It’s the season of holy matrimony. As many say, the wedding day is not really for the couple to enjoy, but for the families, relatives and friends involved. What the couple can look forward to is their honeymoon.
With tight work schedules and, more often than not, both partners working, going for a honeymoon is all about planning calculated holidays, which in many cases, barely extend to two weeks.
In the case of Dipti Shetty, a 27-year-old law professional just two months into her new job, asking for a three-week leave was out of the question.
"I am going to get only 10 days of leave,” she told her fiancé, Rajat Nambiar, who works in the life insurance sector. The two are getting married in December. Rajat had been waging a grim battle with his superiors to get at least a month’s leave sanctioned. The couple had several arguments about the length of their honeymoon. But given Dipti’s office situation, Rajat eventually had to settle for just 10 days off for his wedding.
Source of discord
Rajat and Dipti’s predicament is typical of many other couples forced to sacrifice their honeymoon at the altar of work pressures — either their own or their partner’s. Experts say cutting short or skipping the honeymoon — the best opportunity for a couple to spend time with each other away from the mundane intrusions of daily life and relatives and work-related stress — can lead to marital discord that could otherwise be avoided.
Says Madhuri Singh, consulting psychiatrist and marriage counsellor, "A honeymoon gives the couple space and time to strengthen their sexual and emotional bond. But one week is never enough, because the stress of the wedding takes a toll on the couple.” She adds, "A minimum of three weeks is essential for a couple to develop a working understanding without getting bogged down by day-to-day life.”
Dipti and Rajat will at least get 10 days together. But not everyone is as lucky. Prashant Barucha, 32, who works in an IT firm, and his wife Amruta, a 29-year-old financial management consultant, didn’t even get to go on a honeymoon.
After three years of marriage, they still haven’t gone for one. They weren’t getting a minimum of two weeks leave from their respective organisations, so they abandoned the idea of going for even a ‘quick’ honeymoon.
Prashant regrets the decision. "Amruta was keen that we go for at least four days, but I didn’t like the idea of a short honeymoon. I convinced her we will go some other time. Unfortunately, it did not happen,” says
Prashant. Amruta explains that it could not be helped. "Even if we had gone for four days, we wouldn’t have had enough time and work would have been at the back of our minds throughout. We did have our set of fights over this, and without the luxury of a honeymoon, we’ve really had to make an effort to make our relationship work. We now keep going for frequent weekend trips to nearby places and make it a point to take at least a week off every year and go abroad,” Amruta says.
But the couple agree that things would have been different if they had been able to enjoy two weeks of their own space after the wedding.
Affects intimacy
Singh observes that in the case of couples who’vehad very short honeymoons, there is greater chance of one of the partners getting attracted to someone outside the marriage.
She feels that corporates should be sensitised to the fact that marriage is an important milestone in a person’s life and adequate time must be mandated for it.
She says, "There are norms for maternity leave, but none for marriage leave. An employee’s work suffers if there is emotional stress. If the company wants happy employees, it should make sure they get adequate time off for their personal life,” she says.
In today’s rat race, people put less importance on intimacy and more on success at work, observes wellness expert, Dr Hitesh Shah. He believes that when the honeymoon is short, intimacy does not develop.
A lucky few do get the luxury of a month off from work, but that too comes with its set of arguments and pressures. Kiran Desai, 31, who deals in computer hardware, and his wife Smita, 28, a journalist, had planned their wedding much in advance and decided that no matter what they will go for a 25-day honeymoon.
But Smita’s boss was appalled by the idea of a one month leave for her wedding. "My boss was very tough on me, so much so, that Kiran and I had bitter fights about taking leave. My boss cited examples of other couples who had just taken a week or 10 days off for their marriage.I had to put my foot down. I told him that it’s my wedding and I need that leave.”
Smita had to work 12-14 hours every day for 6 months to get her boss to agree. Kiran understood that his fiancé was under a lot of stress and stood by her. Eventually her leave was granted. But today, neither of them regrets their decision. Says Smita, "My boss gave me the cold shoulder when I got back, but eventually things worked out.”
Shah sums it up, "A couple should give enough time to each other. One rule they should follow is to not discuss mundane matters when on a honeymoon. Just enjoy the intimacy, be romantic. Because you’ll never get this honeymoon time back.”